Is it ok to feel like your roomie is treating you different then their other friends?
You feel excluded.....You feel hurt....But you dont want to feel that way.........It sucks....
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tonight
Tonight I am pretty sure changed my life....
Started off pretty well, with working and everything like that...then I went to rehearsal which wasn't too bad...but then I came back to the dorm, and that changed everything....
My RA is the most amazing person on this Earth. I think God put her there for me.
She helped me to understand myself a little better and how my way of thinking sometimes isn't what it should be. She helped me to see that sometimes I just need to forgive and forget.
I'm not so sure I want to transfer now...I am currently in my mod lounge and hanging with 6 other girls...And I am thrilled that I have had no sleep.
I wish my mom was alive....I could totally tell her about lots of things...I miss her...
But with the help of my crazy roommate who is acting like she is on drugs or had been given laughing gas, or drunk....and others....I will survive
Started off pretty well, with working and everything like that...then I went to rehearsal which wasn't too bad...but then I came back to the dorm, and that changed everything....
My RA is the most amazing person on this Earth. I think God put her there for me.
She helped me to understand myself a little better and how my way of thinking sometimes isn't what it should be. She helped me to see that sometimes I just need to forgive and forget.
I'm not so sure I want to transfer now...I am currently in my mod lounge and hanging with 6 other girls...And I am thrilled that I have had no sleep.
I wish my mom was alive....I could totally tell her about lots of things...I miss her...
But with the help of my crazy roommate who is acting like she is on drugs or had been given laughing gas, or drunk....and others....I will survive
Friday, September 17, 2010
CRAP
So....I feel like crap.
Everyone treats me different then someone else.
I can ask them the same thing or ask for something and i will either get a weird look or there will be awkward silence. i feel so alienated. i hate not having friends here. wish i could go home and have people tell me that its ok. i hate not having friends here.
Everyone treats me different then someone else.
I can ask them the same thing or ask for something and i will either get a weird look or there will be awkward silence. i feel so alienated. i hate not having friends here. wish i could go home and have people tell me that its ok. i hate not having friends here.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Betrayed
What do you do when a friend betrays you?
When you are nice and you feel like your friends, but then she turns around and totally ignores you...tells you one thing and does another....basically telling you that she doesn't want to hang out with you.
What do you do when you feel this way but you don't want to tell her because you are afraid to lose a friend.
One of the only ones you got?
When she trys to keep things a secret and then lies when you ask about it?
How do you fix something like this?
When all you want to do is yell and scream and cry and throw things at her but you don't because you are too nice?
How do I tell this friend how I feel without coming off snobbish?
No one can help me.
When you are nice and you feel like your friends, but then she turns around and totally ignores you...tells you one thing and does another....basically telling you that she doesn't want to hang out with you.
What do you do when you feel this way but you don't want to tell her because you are afraid to lose a friend.
One of the only ones you got?
When she trys to keep things a secret and then lies when you ask about it?
How do you fix something like this?
When all you want to do is yell and scream and cry and throw things at her but you don't because you are too nice?
How do I tell this friend how I feel without coming off snobbish?
No one can help me.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Feelings
Why can I tell an almost complete stranger how I feel but when I stongly feel something I can't tell the one person i want to?
Life and health
I hate feeling abnormal.
Why can't I be normal like everyone else is? Why do I have to be the one to suffer? I hate my body right now. I absolutely hate it.
Why can't I be normal like everyone else is? Why do I have to be the one to suffer? I hate my body right now. I absolutely hate it.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
...Temporaily Unsure
...Temporaily Unsure...
...Of my future....
...Of my friends...
...Of my trust...
I just wish I knew where my life is going...
I like someone....someone who is amazing and kind....
Wish I could share it, but I don't know if I should....
Everytime I have ever wanted to share a secret with someone, they go and blow it by telling someone else my secret. I wish I could trust people more....
I wish for many things, yet I know God is in control....I just wish I could know what He is thinking...I have prayed that often enough....But what if we start losing hope that He will answer us? I haven't had a lot of my prayers answered, whither it was yes or no. Unless it means maybe, which for some, have been a long time for a wait. I just hate to think that I am the only one that feels this way...
I wish I could love myself, for I do not think I do...Wow, did I really just write that? I honestly think I don't....If I loved myself, wouldn't I stop doubting myself? Wouldn't I stop over-eating so I can be a healthy weight? If I loved myself, wouldn't I trust God to take care of everything? Maybe I have just fooled myself all my life. How can I be sure? How can anyone be sure?
...Of my future....
...Of my friends...
...Of my trust...
I just wish I knew where my life is going...
I like someone....someone who is amazing and kind....
Wish I could share it, but I don't know if I should....
Everytime I have ever wanted to share a secret with someone, they go and blow it by telling someone else my secret. I wish I could trust people more....
I wish for many things, yet I know God is in control....I just wish I could know what He is thinking...I have prayed that often enough....But what if we start losing hope that He will answer us? I haven't had a lot of my prayers answered, whither it was yes or no. Unless it means maybe, which for some, have been a long time for a wait. I just hate to think that I am the only one that feels this way...
I wish I could love myself, for I do not think I do...Wow, did I really just write that? I honestly think I don't....If I loved myself, wouldn't I stop doubting myself? Wouldn't I stop over-eating so I can be a healthy weight? If I loved myself, wouldn't I trust God to take care of everything? Maybe I have just fooled myself all my life. How can I be sure? How can anyone be sure?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Stupid Purple Monster Eater
So, let's just say that I feel like that one character from that one stupid stupid song, "That One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater."
All of you might think that I am on something that is making my mind just freeze up but its true, isn't it? You feel like no one can understand or that you feel like no one likes you just because you are you? Thats how I'm feeling right now. I cant explain it too well, but it just doesnt make me feel right. Why did I choose a college over 800 miles away from home? Did I think I could survive? Okay
Life has definetely turned my thoughts into mush and my emotions into such a turmoil that I have no clue how to get it turned around. Every five seconds a friend of mine says that I should date a certain guy or that since a guy waved at me he likes me. Is this middle school or what? I thought we were "mature" (and I use it loosely because from all the laughing me and ELYSE do, we might not be considered mature by some people). Lol. But honestly, so many things here have been drama this, and drama that, and even though I am in the fall drama, I dont want any DRAMA! Golly Poop. Oh wait, thats Elyse's catch phrase. but I gues what I am trying to say is that I have no exact clue why I feel the way I do. I just have this nagging insecurity and that my only friend that I ever want to hang out with is Elyse. Not that she is a bad person or anything, but when she is gone or I'm left alone with a mutual friend, i feel upset that she isnt there or that me and that mutual friend dont get along, It hurts. I think I depend a lot on her and I dont want to do that. It wouldnt be good for either of us.
All of you might think that I am on something that is making my mind just freeze up but its true, isn't it? You feel like no one can understand or that you feel like no one likes you just because you are you? Thats how I'm feeling right now. I cant explain it too well, but it just doesnt make me feel right. Why did I choose a college over 800 miles away from home? Did I think I could survive? Okay
Life has definetely turned my thoughts into mush and my emotions into such a turmoil that I have no clue how to get it turned around. Every five seconds a friend of mine says that I should date a certain guy or that since a guy waved at me he likes me. Is this middle school or what? I thought we were "mature" (and I use it loosely because from all the laughing me and ELYSE do, we might not be considered mature by some people). Lol. But honestly, so many things here have been drama this, and drama that, and even though I am in the fall drama, I dont want any DRAMA! Golly Poop. Oh wait, thats Elyse's catch phrase. but I gues what I am trying to say is that I have no exact clue why I feel the way I do. I just have this nagging insecurity and that my only friend that I ever want to hang out with is Elyse. Not that she is a bad person or anything, but when she is gone or I'm left alone with a mutual friend, i feel upset that she isnt there or that me and that mutual friend dont get along, It hurts. I think I depend a lot on her and I dont want to do that. It wouldnt be good for either of us.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
College life at 11:37 PM
So, I'm sitting there, watching Charmed (which is the best show ever) and all of a sudden I hear this laughing and then a flip flop gets thrown by my head. I look to see my RA and my mod mate throwing flip flops at each other. Me and Steph finished one episode. I had fun, but you see....I was feeling left out when I shouldn't.
Now you're probably thinking- Gee what a attention getting snob wanna be she is. But in reality, this is just how I am. I was never really involved with anything- even people. So when people I know are having a good time, I feel left out. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I don't want anybody upset or feel bad about it (Elyse, NOT your fault). But I just keep feeling this way. Maybe I am missing my dad and my friends a lot more then I realize. I just wish I had some friends that I could tell anything to and they wouldn't judge me. Oh well. Life goes on.
Now you're probably thinking- Gee what a attention getting snob wanna be she is. But in reality, this is just how I am. I was never really involved with anything- even people. So when people I know are having a good time, I feel left out. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I don't want anybody upset or feel bad about it (Elyse, NOT your fault). But I just keep feeling this way. Maybe I am missing my dad and my friends a lot more then I realize. I just wish I had some friends that I could tell anything to and they wouldn't judge me. Oh well. Life goes on.
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